The turkey is carved, the potatoes are mashed, and the pumpkin pie is cooling on the windowsill. It’s Thanksgiving – a day for family, friends, and, of course, gratitude. If you’re in recovery from addiction, this holiday can be a difficult one. You may feel estranged from your family or uncomfortable being around people who still drink or use drugs. You may also find yourself feeling out of place on a holiday that’s all about indulgence.
But one of the most common concerns of people in recovery is how to deal with family and friends who drink. Whether you’re attending your first sober Thanksgiving or your hundredth, here are some tips for dealing with loved ones who still partake in alcohol during the holiday festivities.
1. Communicate honestly.
It’s important to set boundaries with drinkers before the holiday even begins. Let your family and friends know that you’re working on your sobriety and you will appreciate their support. Explain that you’re not judging them for drinking, but that you need to maintain your sobriety. This will help prevent any hurt feelings or tension later on.
If the gathering is being hosted by a drinker, you can request that they allow you to bring your non-alcoholic drinks, like sparkling water with cranberry juice. You can also explain that you may need to leave early if things get too overwhelming. By communicating your needs upfront, you can avoid any potential conflict later on.
2. Be firm in declining offers to drink.
Even if you’ve already said no or informed your loved ones beforehand that you’re not drinking, there will always be that one person who tries to tempt you with a drink. It’s important to be firm in your decision not to drink and not to give in to peer pressure. You can say something like, “I appreciate your offer, but I’m staying sober today.”
If you’re in a gathering where you’re not comfortable sharing your recovery journey with others, you can always make up an excuse as to why you’re not drinking. You can say you’re the designated driver, you’re pregnant, or you’re taking medication that doesn’t mix well with alcohol. Whatever your reason, be confident in your decision and stick to it.
3. Do not be tempted to preach about being sober to your friends and family while they’re drinking.
When you’re in recovery, it can be tempting to share your story with anyone who will listen and perhaps help them see the error of their ways. And while it’s important to be open about your sobriety, there is a right time and place for that. A family gathering on Thanksgiving is not the time to give a lecture about the perils of addiction.
If someone asks you about your sobriety, you can share a brief overview of your journey. But avoid getting into the nitty-gritty details or trying to convince others to give up drinking. This will only make people uncomfortable and less likely to want to talk to you.
4. Do not engage in conflicts.
Family gatherings are often ripe with conflict. If someone says something that triggers you, it’s important to stay calm and not engage in the argument. This can be difficult, especially if you’re dealing with a loved one who is still drinking. If you engage, this will only cause you to feel more upset and can potentially lead to a relapse.
It’s important to remember that you’re not responsible for anyone else’s drinking. You can’t control how much someone drinks or what they say when they’re drunk. If an argument does arise, excuse yourself from the situation and take some time to calm down. It’s also helpful to have a sober friend or support system you can reach out to if things get too overwhelming.
5. Walk away when needed.
There will be times when the best thing you can do is walk away. If someone is pressuring you to drink or you’re feeling triggered by their drinking, it’s okay to remove yourself from the situation. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for why you’re leaving and you don’t have to stick around if you’re not comfortable.
While it’s important to be with loved ones during the holidays, you must also remember that you have to put your recovery first. Doing this is the only way you can truly stay sober during Thanksgiving and throughout the year.
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Deciding to be sober is difficult but keeping up with your decision is just as hard. If you’re struggling to stay sober or are worried about relapsing, we can help. We offer a variety of addiction treatment services that are designed to meet your unique needs.
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